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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Watch Pokemon, Aquire Degree

When I wonder why I became a geologist, I entertain thoughts along the lines of it being a good career, opportunity to travel, adventure and so on, but the real reason, and which most people have long suspected, is to become a Geodude. Its the only logical explanation, - sitting still on mountain tops, inhabiting caves, becoming vexed when stood on, these all describe me perfectly.



He is the only Pokemon with five fingers on each hand, surely to operate hand lenses, rock hammers, mapping compasses and colouring pencils to their full capacity.


"It has a hard head and a sturdy body. Throwing rocks is a common type of offense by Geodude. Geodude
also possesses the ability to explode"

I have seen Geodudes in the mining industry both throw rocks and explode. Clearly not to be trifled with.


"In the morning Geodude rolls downhill in search of food."

I have also witnessed this, post pub hunger amongst Geodudes is well documented.


So, there you see, by watching Pokemon when i was young, I subconsciously realised that Geodude was The Dude of Pokemon, and my destiny was to emulate him. So, I too, have become a Geo Dude.

Sincerely

Geo the Dude

Friday, April 27, 2012

The mining industry

The mining industry is the twisted half birth of the army and Lord of the rings. You keep early hours, can be traumatically discorporated at any moment, you encounter dragons, trolls and goblins and in the end sail off into the west with nothing except an ongoing blood infection. I really cant recommend it enough, if you fancy a life of thankless labour under the tender mercies of people who are almost human, then it may be for you. If you also would like to find the price of human soul, the answer to that can be found too (starts at $350 a day) To toil and sweat under a weary life, far from flushing toilets and intelligent conversation will be your lot,  

I have accepted that  the mining life and I will have two widely diverging paths. Occasionally they will intersect, with wild whooping and licentiousness and spending sprees. They will be rare days but they will happen, the remainder I will spend distant from the society of vapour fuelled drunks, charlatans and rock doctors, I feel for them the same way I feel about herpes. 

That said, I don't think i am done with it quite yet. There is still the opportunity to grasp the bull by the horns, embrace the mining life for the purpose of adventure. I will not have a normal life doing this, I will be nowhere near anyone I wish to spend time with, I will have no life, but the secret is do not attempt to have one.

Embrace it all, drive powerful cars too fast, drink too much, go into parts of the country where you have no business being, befriend and corrupt the natives. Steal their trinkets to display to wonder wounded friends back home.  Enjoy the rough congress with nature, don't shy from it. When one opens their heart truly to the full on ferality of the exploration game,  all you need do is ask and the industry provides for all your needs.   Five days without washing are as aromatic to the nose as the finest Parisian perfume, A protective layer of hammer oil will form a barrier to damaging UV rays. Small animals caught in the sumps can be cooked on the exhaust manifold and eaten to increase the flow on deliciousness to the brain. Local roots and tubers can be fermented in a  drill rod to produce the finest ambrosia . All this and more will fall like manna from heaven to the pious geologist. 

Predators

Cancel the Nobel Peace prize for Literature (and Film, if it exists) we have a winner - Predators by Rodger Rodriguez. Every generation has its defining moment of cinematic History, Al jolson and the first "talkie" in "The Jazz Singer" ,  David O. Selznick's Masterpiece "Gone With The Wind", Francis ford Coppola's cathartic look at the Vietnam war in Apocalypse now. In 2010 we have our own epic of the Silver Screen, involving not one but four mandibled monsters from beyond the stars. Action, romance,suspense, plasma cannons, this movie has it all. Is there any anti-hero more charismatic than the Predator?*



*I posit that there is not. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

How deep is the Irish Sea?

Its deep enough to separate us from the Brits, but still shallow enough to let us go and take their jobs while openly claiming to dislike them. So, the perfect depth really

Fracking

with fracking prosperity and jobs could be created and generate tax revenues if the fracking is not curtailed by an insane ignorant cabal of sophomoric pseuds, aging Marxists, tricolour waving republicans, semi-literate druids and rosary toting neanderthals

Thursday, April 12, 2012

They may have sunk the Titanic but 100 years later, thanks to global warming, we're finally winning the war on icebergs

Monday, March 19, 2012

Geologizing

Being a commodities geologist can be tricky, by its very nature it leaves me working in remote places, away from those I find tolerable, and often too close to those i find intolerable. I am told, often that these are sacrifices to be made for career, "several years in the bush young man!" -  the best years of my life should be spent slogging in the heat to make rich shareholders richer , and to achieve that nebulous goal of the "successful career" what ever that is. Bullshit - people are not meant to spend years in the mute oblivion of a slow burning depression in the wilderness - we are meant to spend our lives in society, with people around us,  interests to pursue and attempting to find meaning through exploration of ourselves and by being useful to those around us.

 I have done my best to avoid the brass ring of the corporate drone, as it is really millstone around a drowning mans neck. I have seen in Australia people make the most ridiculous sacrifices for money, the is no personal growth in living someones else's plan.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The first rule of Burkina Faso is: you do not talk about Burkina Faso.

The second rule of Burkina Faso is: you DO NOT talk about Burkina Faso!

Third rule of Burkina Faso: someone yells "Diarrhea!", goes limp, taps out, the job goes on

Fourth rule: only two Ukrainian hookers to an expat

Fifth rule: one bout of malaria at a time, fellas.

Sixth rule: No class, no decorum.

Seventh rule: rosters will go on as long as they have to.

And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time in Burkina Faso, you have to shit your brains out all day. .

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

An Essay on Man



Know then thyself, presume not God to scan; 
The proper study of mankind is Man. 
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state, 
A being darkly wise and rudely great: 
With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side, 
With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride, 
He hangs between; in doubt to act or rest, 
In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast, 
In doubt his mind or body to prefer; 
Born but to die, and reasoning but to err; 
Alike in ignorance, his reason such 
Whether he thinks too little or too much: 
Chaos of thought and passion, all confused; 
Still by himself abused, or disabused; 
Created half to rise and half to fall; 
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all; 
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurled: 
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!

Alexander Pope 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Things I have learned and will vow never to forget

  1. It is counterproductive to fail at life to win at career.
  2. Investing in shares and stocks is well and sensible, and physical goods have limited value,  to invest in one's spirit is better, more fulfilling, and longer lasting. 
  3. Who dares, wins.  Not in individual cases or in the short time-frame, but challenging ones-self longterm yields dividends. 
  4. Constipation does not cancel out or nullify the effects of diarrhoea 
  5. Be sensitive to others problems and crises, but do not become an emotional tampon. 
  6. The enemy of the good is not perfect, and there is not an evil capitalist behind all the worlds problems.
  7. You have one mouth, but two ears. Ensure you always listen to two albums for every meal you eat, and listen before you speak. 
  8. Take your responsibilities seriously, but not yourself. 
  9. There is nothing in life as good as a solid crap
  10. Experience is a great teacher, but it sends in heavy bills. 
  11. I like rocks more than computers, but I like people way more than rocks. 
  12. The full spectrum of human emotion is rarely experienced inside the comfort zone.